


when the world is one color

by dorypop



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Adam Parrish, Post-The Raven King, Pre-Epilogue, St. Agnes Sleepover, communication!, you can probably guess my heating broke last week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28853442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorypop/pseuds/dorypop
Summary: “Shut up. You’re not turning into an ice cube. We’ll set something on fire to get this shitty place warm before it gets to that.”“I’ll be evicted if I start setting stuff on fire.”“That’s why I’ll be doing the kindling.”(Adam is cold and lonely at St. Agnes—Sleepover time!)
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 33
Kudos: 216





	when the world is one color

Adam was cold.

He’d found it was _always_ cold in St. Agnes, from the moment the sun had left his window chased by the October wind. It’d be fine again when spring came back, but that meant _months_ of windy currents leaping at his ankles and vague clouds of mist every time he opened his mouth.

He _was_ saving to buy an electric heater—the nuns had regretfully informed him that the radiator under his only window had exhaled its last warm breath something like fifteen years ago, together with the ones that had heated the offices downstairs, and neither he nor they had the money to replace the defective boiler, that was apparently as old as the building itself.

So, yeah, maybe, _hopefully_ , by January he’d have enough to get himself something that could maybe make undressing to get into the shower less like torture.

The hot water was not _hot_ , either, exactly. More like tepid. Lukewarm? Barely an upgrade from using the rainwater that pooled in the bucket Adam kept on his windowsill—for plant watering and floor mopping—to wash himself. Which Adam _had_ considered, but for now he was sticking to microwaving mugs with water every time he needed to shampoo his hair, just to reduce the risk of catching pneumonia because he absolutely could _not_ afford to miss any shifts at this point.

So Adam braced himself as he parked his car, and ran up the stairs as soon as he locked it, in an attempt to build up some warmth that was quickly lost the moment he started taking off layers to get into the shower. He then washed as fast as he could, shivering all the way into the three pairs of socks he wore to bed one on top of the other.

He bundled up in bed with his ratty blanket all around himself to catch up on some assigned reading. He felt like he’d only get warm a second before his morning alarm rang and he had to _leave_.

It had been four days since he’d last seen Ronan.

Earlier, he’d been on the verge to drive to the Barns, to see if maybe he was there and they could at least talk.

Gansey had said Declan and Matthew were in town, though, so Adam hadn’t wanted to intrude. And he was running low on gas and the radio at Boyd’s earlier had said the following morning was going to be a rainy one so Adam didn’t especially want to spend part of it pedaling to school. _And_ Ronan was probably still sporting the bruises on his throat that _Adam_ had left there. Did Declan know where they came from? Had Ronan spoken to Matthew about their kisses?

He hadn’t spoken to _Adam_ about them. Which was, again, understandable, with the unmaking and Gansey’s death and Henry Cheng being all fluttery around them and the women at Fox Way shoving tea at them.

But then Adam had gone back to school, and Ronan hadn’t. And it had been four days.

Adam missed him. He’d tried calling his phone from Boyd’s once, during his break, but Ronan hadn’t picked up. Not that Adam expected him to, but it had been disappointing all the same.

Adam would be really fine if he didn’t even get to kiss Ronan again. He just wanted to look at him and see that he was alright. Maybe get him to promise that they could still be friends. Adam wasn’t sure if he could go on if he lost Ronan.

He should have driven to the Barns after all.

Could he still go?

It _was_ one in the morning. Adam left his book on the floor—he could make better use of this time than pretend he was reading it.

His car was probably warmer than his room, anyway.

Maybe if he bought a phone instead of a heater Ronan would know it was him calling. Not that that would guarantee he’d pick up—Adam wasn’t sure they were still _friends_. He had probably fucked everything up, with the demon and all that, and Ronan had _just_ lost his mom and almost Gansey.

It wasn’t the best moment to start a relationship.

Adam shot out of bed. He didn’t change out of the hoodie he was wearing—he just added a jacket on top and put on some shoes. He’d just gone to the bathroom to blow his nose on a piece of toilet paper when someone knocked on his door.

Adam’s heart jumped. It could be anyone, he reasoned as he jumped over the pile of dirty clothes he’d left on the bathroom floor. The nuns, for example. Or Henry Cheng—they were friends now, apparently.

It was Ronan, of course.

“Fuck, Parrish, it’s fucking freezing in here.”

Adam stared as Ronan Lynch entered the room, clad in a really warm-looking parka, and stared some more as Ronan Lynch pressed a still-steaming cup of coffee into Adam’s ghost-cold hands, and kept staring as Ronan Lynch unwrapped a woolen scarf from around his neck to gently deposit it over Adam’s nape.

Adam felt like crying, because Ronan was staring back at him.

“What?” Ronan whispered, sensing something was wrong, because Adam was still holding the door wide open and letting all the cold from outside sweep into the room.

But he couldn’t move.

Because Ronan had come.

Ronan was _here_.

And Cabeswater was not, and the bruises on Ronan’s throat were still more purple than green, and he’d brought him _hot coffee_.

“Parrish?”

Adam slowly let go of the door. It closed immediately because there was a current with that corner on the window where the glass was cracked.

Ronan’s nose was all red from the cold. Adam wanted to know if it was soft to the touch and if he’d wrinkle it when Adam pressed a kiss to it.

He didn’t know if that was allowed, though, so he just held onto Ronan’s sleeve with the hand that wasn’t holding the coffee.

It was real. Ronan was here.

“What’s wrong, Adam? The fuck happened?”

Adam cleared his throat.

“Nothing. Uh, sorry. Come in,” he said, even though Ronan was already standing in the middle of the room, narrowing his eyes at him because, well, Adam was acting all crazy. “Sorry,” he said again, and winced, and forced himself to _think_. “How was—Declan and Matthew? They still at the Barns? What’s this for?” He looked down at the coffee for one second, but he immediately looked up again. Ronan was there, in front of him, and it wasn’t a dream.

Adam took a sip, then, because it wouldn’t do for the coffee to go cold before he’d drunk it. It scalded his tongue, but Adam didn’t mind.

Ronan shrugged.

“I wanted one too. Drank mine in the car,” he added, before Adam could point out that Ronan wasn’t carrying a cup of his own. Adam could see the mist created by his sigh. “Listen, can I stay here tonight?”

Adam blinked, surprised. It wasn’t the first time Ronan had stayed the night, but—things _had_ changed, right? It’d be—cramped, if they slept in the only bed Adam had. And Adam wasn’t sure he wanted Ronan to sleep _on the floor_. Not after they’d kissed. Not after Adam had squeezed his hands around Ronan’s neck.

Maybe Ronan had fought with his brothers and that’s why he’d rather spend the night there than at the Barns, where it was—well, warm? Warmer than here.

“Sure. Sure, okay.”

His hand was still on Ronan’s arm. He figured it was becoming weird, him just leaving it there, but Adam wasn’t sure he had what it would take to remove it and lose its warmth.

He could feel his ears blush.

Ronan’s eyes were piercing him. He should try and act like a normal person.

“Hey, what’s—” Ronan began. “I can leave—if you want?”

Adam clutched Ronan’s arm a bit tighter. “Don’t,” he asked. He sounded breathless, and needy, and was freaking Ronan out.

Adam bit his lip. Why was he panicking, when Ronan was already here? Shit, now Ronan was looking at him all concerned and frowny. He was fucking this up, wasn’t he?

“Adam, you’re shaking.”

“I’m, uh—Just a bit cold.” He tried to ignore the rush of something that shot up his stomach every time his _name_ came out of Ronan’s mouth. “Sorry,” he said, again, and stopped talking before he fucked it all up even more.

Ronan covered Adam’s freezing hand with his own, so gently it almost brought tears to Adam’s eyes. He blinked them away, of course, though not fast enough for Ronan not to notice.

“Shit, man, you gotta tell me what the hell is with you. You hurt somewhere?”

Adam shook his head.

“I’m fine, really, just—I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

Ronan cursed. His mouth curled downwards while his shoulders squared up, as if ready for a fight. When Adam finally let go of his arm, he hid his hands in his pockets.

Something must have happened, then. He must have fought with Declan, then, or maybe Gansey? He’d come here looking for comfort, and instead of providing that Adam was being all whiny and weird, and had ruined the mood by wanting to put names and tags to things.

He took a step back, almost hitting the door.

Ronan was looking at him, waiting for him to talk.

“It’s just—,” he began. “I wanted to know where we are. Right now. After—all of it. Since, you know, we kissed?” He swallowed a giggle because he was not thirteen. “And—yeah. But then I— _the demon_ ,” he corrected himself, “and all of that, and, I mean, I’m fine with whatever you want, okay? So, no pressure. If now you feel’s not the moment, that’s—” he was about to say _fine_ , but that would’ve been a lie, and he didn’t want to lie to _Ronan_ , not after everything, so he mocked a smile and pressed on. “That would be _hard_ , sure, but I can deal. With whatever,” he added, for good measure, and as he was going in his head through the whole speech again he realized he hadn’t said what he’d wanted to say from the beginning. Ronan, uncharacteristically unmoving, waited. “So. I mean that. But I also—if you’d like to, of course—I’d be up to—whatever? Like, dating, or—” Ronan blinked, distracting Adam “Or—” He forgot what else he was going to say.

He swallowed. He didn’t feel cold anymore. He was just waiting for Ronan to say something, to flee, to take off his boots, to kiss Adam’s problems away.

And, then, Ronan _laughed_.

Adam cringed. He tried revisiting his words, looking for the joke. Unless he _was_ the joke.

His fingers clenched the coffee cup.

Ronan plopped down on Adam’s bed.

“Holy shit,” he said. Adam could _see_ the moment Ronan realized Adam wasn’t following. “Fuck, I thought you were breaking up with me, man.”

Adam still wasn’t following. Ronan started unlacing his boots, though, so that was a good sign.

“We can’t break up if we aren’t dating,” he reminded Ronan. He took another sip of his coffee as Ronan’s mouth rounded.

“You just said we are?”

“But we haven’t talked about it.”

“Fuck, Parrish. Okay. We are talking _right now_. What the hell. I thought it was clear.”

“Well, it’s _not_. I haven’t seen you in four days. I couldn’t contact you. I _didn’t_ _know_ if—if you—” he trailed off. It didn’t really matter, did it? Ronan was sitting on Adam’s bed, and he’d brought Adam coffee and a scarf. He wanted to stay the night. What else was there to say? “I’d like a hug,” Adam said, without thinking, in a very small voice that Ronan still caught, because Ronan was always listening.

“Come here, then.”

Adam launched himself into Ronan’s open arms. It took a bit of rearranging, especially after Adam tackled Ronan onto Adam’s very-flat pillow, but Adam felt so much better when his hands came into direct contact with Ronan’s nape skin. Ronan cursed at Adam’s freezing touch, but he didn’t let go.

“You’re so _warm_ ,” Adam muttered against Ronan’s chest. He _could_ let himself be rocked to sleep by Ronan’s breath.

“And you’re still shivering. Get the fuck inside the covers before you turn into an ice cube.” Ronan was maneuvering them both under Adam’s sheets as he was speaking, so Adam allowed himself to just melt against him. The furry parts on Ronan’s parka were tickling his nose, but Adam wasn’t about to let that get between them. He just burrowed his nose a bit higher on Ronan’s neck, careful not to disturb the yellowing bruises around his throat.

“Even as an ice cube,” Adam said, eyes closed, drunk on Ronan’s smell, “I’d still want to date you.”

“Shut up. You’re not turning into an ice cube. We’ll set something on fire to get this shitty place warm before it gets to that.”

“I’ll be evicted if I start setting stuff on fire.”

“That’s why _I’ll_ be doing the kindling.”

Adam laughed. His brain was probably already frostbitten because he didn’t feel the need to come up with a comeback. He sighed and tightened his embrace on Ronan, still feeling there was way too much space between them.

“Missed you,” he confessed in a whisper. A foreign warmth started growing from his toes when he sandwiched them between Ronan’s legs. He didn’t suppress a delighted smile when he felt Ronan’s breath catch under him. Feeling bold, he pressed a light kiss under Ronan’s ear.

“ _Fuck_. Yeah, Parrish. Me too. Shit, yeah. We’re dating. _Obviously_. Weren’t you supposed to be the smart one?”

Adam opened his eyes. He wiggled his arms from under Ronan so that they’d be able to support his weight as he stared down _at his boyfriend_ , trying to convince his mind to catch up with what was happening.

He shivered, and it wasn’t because of the cold.

Ronan was red in the cheeks but he held his stare.

“You sure you wanna stay here?” Adam asked.

Ronan nodded, despite the cold and the angry mattress and Adam’s brittle goading and prodding.

“Okay,” Adam said, and closed the distance between their lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a haiku by Matsuo Bashō: in the dying winter / when the world is one color / the sound of wind
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://hklnvgl.tumblr.com/)!


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